Friday, March 18, 2022

Charles Harmon


March Madness Manic Moodday


Nothing like a Spring fantasy to give your heart wings,

to put a spring in your step and set your mind flying!

Springtime awakens the hearts and souls of Poets

and lovers and romantics everywhere. Even in La La Land!

But it coincides with March Madness, the NCAA College

Division 1 men’s basketball tournament in which 68 teams

compete until the Final Four for the national championship.

But I don’t know anything about college basketball, although

I used to take Dad to UCLA games because he had played ball

at Kansas and taught teachers how to teach ESL at UCLA.

But most of us could not play college sports—we are Poets!

So, as they are changing rules to let men compete against women,

we're changing the rules to let poets play against basketballers,

and we might as well go large or go home and take on the Pros!

And we get to use our secret weapons and super powers,

for the pen is mightier than the sword!

 

So, the All Star Poets team lineup faces off against pro legends.

First there is the poetry King, Kingfisher, facing off against

Wilt Chamberlain. Wilt the Stilt is famous not only for scoring

thousands of points on the court, but also for scoring thousands 

of times in the bedroom. But romantic poet Kingfisher is the king of

romantic poetry, and once he recites some love verses, Wilt slinks

off in embarrassment to console himself at a “Dunkin’ Donuts.”

 

Next up is a face off between Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 

and GT “Good Trouble” (or is it “Good Times”), 

the Poetry King of humor. GT recites verses so funny

that Kareem doubles over in laughter, allowing GT

to slam dunk with a 48 inch jump shot a la Spud Webb. 


Next up Poet “Jackie C” faces off against Le Brawny

“King James,” who laughs so hard at the sight of the

petite poet that he falls on the floor. He demands a

second chance, so JC changes tactics and speaks so

profoundly beautiful a love poem that Brawny J

sinks crying to the floor, overcome with emotion 

while the poet tosses in a three pointer from mid court.

 

Shaquille O’Neal might seem invincible with his massive

size and physical advantages, but Thelma the Poetry Queen

is serious competition for the big guy. For one thing, her

husband was a coach as well as a math teacher, so she knows

all the angles and how to calculate the odds. Her Shaq attack

of beautiful verses causes O’Neal to roll away like a wheel. 


Kobe may be in basketball heaven, but he is one of the

Immortals, so of course the Mamba Man can stage a comeback.

But so can CaLokie the Poet and you know it! And he shows it!

He recites his poem, “An Eye for an Eye Makes the Whole World Blind,” 

and sure enough it works and makes Kobie temporarily blind, 

so Cal runs circles around Ko and sinks a dozen three pointers.

 

Then there’s Larry Bird, the self-described “Hick from French Lick.” 

Thus proving he’s not only a great basketball player but also

a pretty good poet for an athlete. So, who can beat the Bird Bard?

Well, if he’s gonna cheat by recitin’ with white lightnin’, then Poets

gonna cheat by triple teaming him. So the two Beverly Hills join up 

with Lori for glory and sing a sound in a round to surround 

Larry the Legend until he’s too dizzy to jump or shoot. Poetry wins again!


But who can possibly shoot down “Air” Jordan, the Raging Bull?

It would have to be double teaming by “Jumpin’ Josh” combined

with Rad Radomir, the “Miracle Man.” These virtuosi of the verbal

make words take flight and fly high in the sky even beyond the reach

of MJ “Rare Air,” “It’s gotta be the shoes!”  Another win for the Poets! 


But the Ballers have unleashed their secret weapons, Pavel Podkolzin, 

the tallest player in the league, their secret weapon from Russia.

But he does not come from Russia with love! He seems to be sent 

as a special envoy from Stalin, I mean Putin. Of this there's no dis-Putin!

He is joined by Yao Ming from Beijing, another Commie sent from Xi Jin Ping!

They stand athwart the hoop and block the goal so the Poets can score no more.


But wait! Something's happening here. What it is ain't exactly clear. 

There's a boxer run out on the court wearing nothing but his boxer shorts,

but he's not here to play basketball--he's here to help the Poets!

It's Muhammad Ali, the Greatest, who also is a poet. He recites:


    "Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, 

    the hands can't hit what the eyes can't see!" 


And he's joined by another boxer/poet, Mike Tyson, the haiku poet, who declaims:

    

    everybody has a plan

    until you get punched 

    in the mouth


Together the boxer poets put their words into action until the big men retreat

from the goal, allowing the Poets team to continue shooting their words in. 


But no one can stand beside Magic Johnson unmasked without holding their breath, 

so how can poets defeat him without speaking? Hmmm. 

This sounds like a job for a magical poetry circle. 

So, all of the afore named Poets form a circle around Magic and chant poetry at him. 

Even the Magic Man cannot resist the magical poetic words, and

he cannot jump over them or break on through to the other side, 

so Magic is overthrown, and the Poets win this contest 

just in time for National Poetry Month and the NBA playoffs can wait until Summer. 

But that's another poem.

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